


It's A Start

by Mahz



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Coming Out, Domestic Fluff, Fix It, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay Sam Wilson, Getting Together, Humour, Light-Hearted, M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It, Protective Sam Wilson, Starting a new life, Steve never went back, Tony Stark Lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:55:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23774923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mahz/pseuds/Mahz
Summary: As Bucky Barnes moves in with Sam Wilson after the events of Endgame, he has to figure out who he is, and find a job that pays more than the satisfaction of saving people. But adaptating is hard.Sam Wilson is gay, and for some reason he can't bring himself to tell his friends Bucky and Steve. Especially now that the brunette lives with him. After so many years of being single, living with someone under his roof again isn't as easy as it seems.Basically : Sam Wilson being overprotective of Bucky while also bullying him.
Relationships: James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson, past Steve Rogers/Tony Stark - Relationship
Kudos: 41





	1. A new home

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while, so here's a new Sambucky fic. Love y'all

None of this felt wrong, but it still was weird. Steve wasn’t out of his life, but somehow their bond had unfolded just enough for him to live his own life. This was quite terrifying, all Bucky has ever known was life with Steve, and then hell. As he took in the sight of the guestroom that was now his, he let out a breath. Starting over wasn’t that bad.  
Steve needed time alone, he said. After all, his breakup with Tony had been ugly and now both men had put a cross on their relationship for good. Bucky couldn’t help but feel he had dug deeper the distance between them, that he somehow had took this away from Steve. The blonde had assured him it wasn’t the case, but that didn’t mean it was the truth. He had been strange since he came back from putting back the stones.  
So that’s how Bucky ended up living with Sam. It could be worse, he thought. The little green and blue room was cosy looking and neatly decorated. His friend even insisted on buying him some clothes, which had kind of embarrassed him. He’d definitely had to repay Sam when he could.  
The devasting realisation of peace meant he’d need to find an actual job. He wasn’t sure he could hide his arm, or that he knew how to do anything but fight. He knew that Sam had took on a job as a flight instructor on the airbase nearby. But even after a good thinking, there was not much skills he knew that didn’t involved breaking bones.  
He’ll think about that later, right now he needed to put his belongings in his room. This was kind of awkward to do, he had not much and placing those items through a room made it look like he had even fewer. There was of course his notebook, that one he put on his nightstand. The pictures and drawings Steve gave him, he tucked them in the frame of the mirror. His few clothes, he folded neatly and put them in the dresser.  
He went into the small bathroom joined to the room, it was nice marble and he smirked at the golden tap and coconut soap next to it. But he didn’t smirk long as he got his brush and hairties out. He looked at himself and felt old. His reflection was a tired man, with purple bags under his eyes. Bucky had the chance of meeting Shuri, the princess had insisted on healing the scared tissue as to make his arm easier to bear.  
This new arm was better in all points, it was lighter, the old one had pulled on his shoulder with weight for seventy years and it was a miracle he didn’t had a scoliosis by this point. It also allowed him to feel as good as his real hand too.  
He pushed his sleeve back and bent over the sink, he opened the tap to let the water run over his metal arm. Shuri had pinky sweared it wouldn’t rust, ever. And indeed, he could feel the water brush his fingers as if they were made of flesh. He frowned a bit, he would have to be careful when he fights now.  
He dried it quickly with a towel he folded back right away and went back to the bedroom. It was huge, for just him anyway. Half the place would have been room enough, and if the bathroom was a nice touch, he clearly would feel lost in a double bed.  
A knock on the door that could be none but Sam warned him of the other man’s presence.  
“So? Do you see something missing? Do you need anything else?” Bucky took a general look at the room. “I don’t think so. But…” The other man tilted his head slightly “Yes?”. The older man shrugged. “Nothing, ‘s good.”  
Sam smiled and poke him in the ribs “Come on, tell me grandpa.” Bucky laughed and shook his head. “It feels too big.” The Falcon nodded, “I know how that feels, coming back from Iraq, after months of sleeping under a jeep in the desert. . .Home felt too much, especially. . .” He let his sentence linger, his eyes lost on a little plane model on a shelf.  
“Yeah, I get it, if you want, we can push the furniture around and build you a kind of blanket fort.” Bucky snorted but when he looked at Sam the man was serious. “That’s what I did for a while.” Suddenly it wasn’t so fun anymore. The image of his friends curled up in the dirt of a battlefield, friends lost to war or to time came to his mind. “Dum Dum always slept on the ground, even at the base.”  
Sam looked at him with raised brow and a smile on the corner of his lips. “You never told me about before . . .Winter.” Bucky shrugged. “I never talked about it with anyone yet.” The other man nodded. “I get it, I couldn’t tell Steve a word about Riley, but Nat and Sharon know basically everything.”  
Bucky wondered about it, not daring to ask. “I’ll tell you too, just. . . not yet.” It felt legit, Sam had a lot to deal with since Steve had gave him the shield. Not everyone was fine with Captain America being a black man, of all thing from the fourties, Bucky was disappointed that theses ideas survived. Couldn’t they had kept the everyday suits instead?

Sam swallowed hard as he went back to the kitchen, he hadn’t mean to make Bucky felt rejected. Maybe not rejected but, like he did not deserve to know. Of course, he did. But there was a reason he had told neither of the ninety-something men that he was attracted to men. Even if they were his friends, telling them about his long-term relationship with Riley scared him. Mind you, when he saw Steve and Tony making out years ago, he could have told the blonde. But it just didn’t felt like the right moment.  
He mindlessly opened his fridge and chugged down what was left of his orange juice bottle. That’s why he choked when he saw Bucky look at him in horror. “Sorry, bad habbits.” He claimed as he wiped his lips with his sleeve, and by doing so made Bucky’s mouth widened. “What kind of monster are you?”.  
The brunette blinked and shook his head. “Can you help me with something?” Sam nodded as he tried to hide the empty bottle as if it was of any use. “Sure, what do you need?” Bucky seemed embarrassed and Sam bit his cheeks not to smile at the sight. “Can you teach me how to use a computer? You know, to look for a job and make a resume?”  
It took a few seconds for Sam to register. “You don’t know?” Bucky muttered just loud enough for Sam to hear. “Winter knew, but Ol’ Buck . . .” The younger man nodded, invited Bucky to sit on the couch and opened his laptop on the coffee table.  
He turned it on and Bucky straightened next to him. “How did you do that?” Sam frowned “Do What? Turning it on?” The other man bit his lower lip and nodded. “Okay. . . We’ve got a lot to do.”


	2. First steps

Bucky cringed at his reflection in the mirror. No, Nat was right, no one would hire him if he looked like a homeless punk. He had to groom a bit. He run a hand through his curls. “Sam!” The other man answered from his office upstairs. Bucky rolled his eyes and went upstairs quickly. A sudden shriek startled him and gasped. “Fucking chicken”. Redwing was the actual falcon, and though Bucky liked him a lot, the bird of prey had taken after his master to make Bucky’s life a mess. He approaches his metal hand and Redwing nudged it with his beak. “Stop scaring me, I’m old.”   
Sam was laying back in his desk chair, rubbing at his temple. “He’s upset with us because we left him with Natasha last week.” Bucky frowned and tilted his head in sync with Redwing. “Was she mean to you boy?” The bird clicked his beak. Sam chuckled. “Don’t believe anything he says, he just missed us.”  
“Anyway, stop making face at my son, what did you needed?” The brunette raised his head suddenly. “Right, uh, you know I’m still looking for a job, and not a single interview leaded somewhere?” Sam turned to face him and nodded. “Well, I’m scary. At least, I think I am. Can you cut my hair?”   
Sam looked at him for a few seconds. “Uuhhhh. . . You want to cut it all?” Bucky shook his head, he looked serious. The other man scoffed. “Well, sure, if that’s what you want. But. . .What are we gonna mop the floor with now?” Bucky punched him softly with his flesh hand (to be sure not to hurt). “If you mess my hair, I’ll beat you up.” Sam got up and run his hands through the brown mane. It felt nice, he didn’t wanted to cut it. But it wasn’t his decision in the end. “I’m going to make you bald so those girls down the street can see all the wrinkles you hide with staples. Bucky pinched him and they both laughed, the noise alarming Red who shrieked for them to calm down.

Bucky was sitting on the couch and Sam fetched the scissors and comb. Red eventually glided downstairs with them, landing next to the window. “Dad will get you out later, okay?” The falcon clicked and tended to his feathers. Sam smiled and put his tools next to Bucky. “Do you have an idea how short you want it?” The other man shrugged. “Like people usually have?”. He combed Bucky’s hair and started his work.   
It took nearly an hour, as he wasn’t used to the task. But he thought it wasn’t half bad. If he was honest, he really like this new haircut on Bucky. As he brushed the fallen hair away from the older man’s shoulders, Sam couldn’t help but stare at the bare neck so exposed suddenly. When Bucky tilted his head a bit, he claimed he was done. “Do I need to wear a paper bag on my head?” Sam rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that would be a blessing for us all not to see your ugly face again.”  
Bucky shook himself a bit like a huge dog and went to his bedroom to look at the not really a disaster Sam had made. When he came back, Bucky seemed pretty pleased. “It looks amazing.” And Sam had to admit, facing him with his bright green eyes and newfound modern style, he was indeed amazing. “Oh no, now you have to actually show your face.”   
As he put back his tools, Bucky helped him by using the hoover. “Do you need a shirt then?” The other man looked up at him and one of his hand tried to tuck behind his ear a strand that no longer existed. “Uh, why?” Sam frowned. “For the interviews? What did you wear the previous time?”  
When Bucky exhibited the old suits from the fourties that clearly didn’t fit and was overused, he understood why his research went fruitless. “Where did you find that thing?” Bucky made a disappointed face. “It was my father’s, he was quite big. Rebecca gave it to me.” Sam run a hand on his face. “We really have work to do.”  
Sam knew it wouldn’t be easy for Bucky to get back to civil life, even if it wasn’t full time. They both needed a side job for money, but they needed a job where hours were flexible enough for their missions. Sam worked at the association for veterans and as a flight instructor whenever he could. It felt natural, because flying was just his element.   
He couldn’t imagine how it felt for Bucky. He had never really developed everyday skills. So, Sam had become a teacher too. He taught him a few recipes other than instant noodles. He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice, Bucky had fed them those hellsend noodles for two weeks non-stop, just to try every flavour.   
Sam had also taught Bucky how to use Netflix because that was mandatory. The smartphone was the worse, it took him a whole week. But now, coming home to edible food and company felt fine. There was hope for Bucky. When they had worked on his resume, they used Nat’s spy skills to fake a normal life for him.   
Bucky was said to be born 1978, as to be the same age as Sam and to have worked in Europe as a researcher in astronomy. Of course, he’ll have to take classes and do actual research to be approved by the planetarium and work from home. Until then, he’d need a side job. 

When Bucky came home two days later, he rushed to Sam in the living room. The other man was reading a book with Redwing over his shoulder and when he barged in, Sam jumped a bit. “Damn Bucky, what’s ‘  
\- I got hired!”  
Indeed, he was brandishing an approval letter. Sam took it and read it while Bucky sat next to him to pet Red. “You’re a librarian?” He took a moment to acknowledge this. Then cracked up as he imagined James Buchanan Barnes, bionic arm and all, telling teens to shut up and reading stories to kids on the weekends.   
“Do they wish to close the place or…?” Red shrieked in his ear and Bucky chuckled. “Goo’boy. Scream at the mean man.” The falcon tilted its head and clicked softly next to Sam. “That’s right, apology bitch. I’m the one giving you hugs and food.”  
Sam clapped Bucky’s shoulder and gave Red a smooch on the flat of the head. “I’m proud of you, Buck. That’s a start.” The older man nodded with a genuine smile on his lips.  
Bucky liked that. A Start. And it was all his own. A start just for him, with his own choices and free will. However, he wasn’t scared, because he wasn’t alone this time. He had Sam by his side.


	3. To each their own

Sam felt almost as anxious as Bucky for his first day. They both sat in his car and stared at the library. He looked at the older man and saw worry on his face, so he tried to reassure him. “You’re gonna do great. If you feel triggered by anything, you know my number, and if you can’t handle something, just tell your supervisor. They can call me if needed, I’ll testify of your state.”  
Bucky chuckled nervously. “My state? What’s that supposed to mean?” Sam clicked his tongue. “Not what you think it means. You’re suffering from PTSD, it is not your fault, but it demands to be taken seriously.” Bucky lowered his head. “Sorry, I know you’re trying to help.”  
Sam gave him a pat on the shoulder and groaned as he hurts himself on the bionic arm. “Yeah, I care I for you. You deserve more than to be a weapon, there’s more to life than fighting.” Bucky turned to him and looked him in the eyes for a moment.   
He was seeking affirmation, that he deserved this. Sam leaned closer to him. “You’re ninety-six years old, you can watch a library and register books for eight hours. I’ll be picking you up. You’ll be alright.” Bucky laughed and got out of the car, but his gait was still too aggressive, as if walking on a battlefield.   
Sam bit his lip, thinking that would take time to get better. “Wow, that’s worse than I thought.” The veteran jolted in his seat at the voice coming from behind him. A small woman in a baseball cap and mirror glasses was silently looking at him, her hands tucked tight in her washed-out green hoodie. The red hair braided on her shoulder left no trace of the blonde dye it once had. “Damn it Nat.”  
The spy didn’t waited for him to speak before she walked around the car and sat where Bucky just had. “So, how long has this been going on?” Sam hated when she did this. “Since what has been going on?” Natasha lowered her glasses and gave him a disappointed look. “You were lurking at him.”   
Sam choked and raised eyebrows. “Sorry what now?” But the redhead continued “You were looking at Barnes’ ass. And he nearly kissed you right now.” Now, he wasn’t quite sure what she meant. “You’re just making up things.” She took off her cap and turned to look at him. “I don’t do jokes. Well, I do, but they’re funny. This is just sad.”   
He cleared his throat and answered. “Look, he’s figuring himself out, he needs a support. That’s all there is. All his life, he either had Steve by his side, or no freedom at all. He’s fragile and I’m trying to protect him and push him in the good direction. That’s all.”   
She leaned in the seat and shook her head. “But it seems you want more.” Sam lowered his head. He didn’t knew what to think of it. Yeah, Bucky was attractive, no shit. But they were friends, and Bucky thought of him as a support. He could not selfishly ruin this for him. Plus, he wasn’t sure he wanted a relationship. 

Not yet, not when he still missed Riley in his bed. He felt his throat tighten a bit. “Listen, even if I was interested, I need to sort things out first. I might be done grieving my husband, but not our relationship. We were married, we wanted kids, there’s just too much to forget. A whole life we will never have, I’ve lost all of that. I can’t just go on and act like it never happened.”  
She sighed and continued. “Sam, you’re keeping yourself in this mindset. I know you think you’re still grieving, but you’re the one sleeping in the guestroom while Bucky has your old room. The outfit he’s wearing? Riley’s. It’s old but not your size. Also you’re pining for him.”  
Sam wanted to refute but he couldn’t. He had done all those things and indeed, he wanted more. “It’s not about what I want, it’s about what both of us need. And right now, it’s time.” She smiled softly. “I agree, but don’t let your hopes down. For both your sakes. You know how long it took for Steve and me, you know what we lost.” 

Bucky felt good going out of work. This sounded weird to him, he had worked for the first time in his life. He enrolled at sixteen in the army and never did anything else. He smiled and waved at Sam turning in the parking lot before he stopped right in front of him. “So, how did it go?”  
The brunette climbed in the car and shrugged, but he had a proud smile on his face. “I was bored as fuck.” Sam frowned and sighed. “Sorry you didn’t liked it.” But Bucky burst out laughing. “No, I loved it! Do you know how long it’s been since I last felt bored? Sam, I love being bored. I asked Susan, my supervisor what I could do when I was done with all my tasks, and she told me I could read a book. Sam! I read three books about space! We stepped on the moon! And, we know there’s aliens, but we’re making so much progress now that we’re getting advanced technology! Did you went to space too? No? Wait, did Steve go? Did Nat? Did-“ Sam took a big breath and shouted.  
“CALM DOWN!” Bucky stopped and they starred at each other before both busted out laughing. “Fuck, I didn’t knew you were a nerd but now there’s no hiding it. You can talk, but slow down, grandpa I don’t want you having a stroke.”  
The older one exhaled and closed his eyes. “Thank you, Sam. I owe you.” The other man shook his head, “No you don’t. You owe it to yourself.” Bucky couldn’t keep his smile off his face. “We should celebrate right? The beginning of my life. . .”  
Sam smiled at him and started the car. “Yes, we do. What about ice cream for diner?” Bucky laughed again, startling Sam with such an unusual – yet not displeasing – mood. “Yeah! Sam, I want ice cream for dinner!”  
Yeah, Sam and Bucky needed to take it slow. Now that the older one had make his first step, it was time for Sam to take his own.


	4. Wrong steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sligthly NSFW !!

Sam thrashed in bed, it felt too warm, too cold at the same time. He tasted lips and tongue, he felt touched by hands burning and freezing at once. He bared his neck craving more of those messy kisses, he wanted that tongue running on his jugular and he couldn’t help but moan beneath it. He tried to roll over but he felt himself hard against the mattress. He turned back and sighed, still feeling the rough and needy claiming of the other man. He wanted to be his. He reached for the other man when . . . Bucky barged in.   
Sam jolted upright though not awake yet but managed to pull the covers to him. “Sam!” The younger man blinked and cried as Bucky switched on the light. “Guess what?!” No, really Sam had no intention of guessing what. Worse, Bucky decided to crawl on the bed and sit next to him. He held a heavily perfumed letter.   
“My little sister! Rebecca, she wrote to me!” Sam could see how excited Bucky was and that he tried not to cry as his hands shook with emotion. So Sam put an arm around Bucky’s shoulders and Sam tensed as he felt a cold metal hand rest on his ribs and pull him closer. If Bucky had any idea of what state Sam was in, that would be awkward.  
Bucky let out a sob. Not good. He tried to focus on how happy his friend was but the cold feel of his arm in his back fell too similar to his dream. Oh no. No. Sam had not dreamed of Bucky. He couldn’t have. And yet.  
The older sobbed out loud now and he softly spoke. “I didn’t expected anyone to be alive. I thought I lost them all.” Something nostalgic clicked in Sam, a realisation. He was falling, maybe he had already tripped, and there was no escaping it because in that moment, Sam Wilson realised he was in love with Bucky Barnes.  
Bucky stayed there a moment and Sam couldn’t stop thinking how fast it had been with Bucky compared to Riley. Has it? Were they so different? After all, he had fought for years with both men before realising he wanted more. Because that’s what he wanted right?   
The other man slowly left his embrace and Sam could now feel a part of him leave too. “I should prepare, maybe a suit. Oh no, is a suit too much? I don’t even know how to do my tie.” Sam got up and hugged Bucky. “You’ll be perfect. You’re her big brother.”  
And then Sam remembered he was hard. And Bucky felt it because he looked down. “Oh.” But then he just looked back at Sam red as a lobster and left.   
Sam stared where the older man was and cursed himself.

Bucky slammed his door and sat on the floor, hiding his head in his arms. He had stared at Sam. No, he had stared at Sam’s boxers and. . . He cursed and pulled on his hair. Fuck. Why were his cheeks heating so much? Why did he kinda liked the feel? Wait. Did he like that? He felt warmth between his thigh and shook his head. Okay, he did like that. His thoughts wandered. Sam had been shirtless too. He had a nice chest. Now, Bucky wished he had taken a better look at it, at the scars that bared the broad muscles.   
He hit his head on the door and took deep breaths to get such thoughts out of his head. When he opened his eyes again, he still had Sam on his mind. Curiosity gnawed at him and he wished he’d. . .seen more? Do something? He had no idea. But he wished Sam had done it for them both.   
Then reality hit him back. Sam didn’t knew he liked men, and maybe Sam wasn’t attracted to him. Maybe Sam had a boyfriend. . . After all, he sometimes spent the night out but before Bucky had thought it was for missions. The single thought of a man doing theses things with Sam. . . that another man. . . That was not him. . . did that to Sam, with Sam. . .

No amount of cold water helped Sam and he had to, well take care of it. And he hated that because he wasn’t fifteen anymore and yet he thought of Bucky, and this morning’s dream got clearer, more detailed. When he finally took a good shower and dressed up, he went down for a more than needed breakfast.   
Only to find Bucky fawning over Redwing and making sure to brush the feathers softly. The falcon on his lap seemed relaxed. A part of Sam’s mind was hating the bird out of jealousy. “So, hum, sorry for before. Rather pop the abscess now.” Bucky raised his head and Red took it as an offence as he bumped his beak aggressively at his cheek.  
“Be a good boy, don’t do this!” Bucky was smart. He knew he wasn’t good boy. Red was good boy however he answered “Do what?”


	5. Game Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angstyyyy

It took a few days for that weird feeling between them to disappear. But the prospect of seeing Rebecca again was overwhelming him. Sam got him a nice suit because apparently looking like a penguin would not do. And then they took the car.   
It was the second time now that Bucky ended up panicked in Sam’s car. Except this time, he wanted Sam with him. Something in their relationship had soften since the incident. Which was weird because it made Bucky tensed around Sam at first. Now, he wanted to be close to him.   
“So, you are coming with me to see her right?” Sam looked at him and smiled softly. “I can, but is it really what you want? Wouldn’t she wonder who I am?” Bucky took a moment to think, right, how does he introduce Sam? He didn’t knew, but his heart ached at the idea of not having him by his side.   
“Never mind, I’ll introduce myself as your poor landlord, come on. We don’t keep a young lady waiting.”

Bucky froze the second he saw her. Of course he recognized Rebecca, but she was not his baby sister. It was an elderly woman looking very much like his mother but with grey hair and a wrinkled face. “James! It really is you!” The little woman embraced him and Bucky wrapped his arms around her slowly. She glanced at his left arm and touched it with caution.   
“Yeah, it’s me, Becca, but not in one piece is all.” She stepped back and finally noticed Sam, patiently waiting behind them. “And you must be Samuel?” Bucky frowned. “You know each other?” Becca smiled and pinched Bucky’s stomach. “How do you think I got the address? Your friend found me and wrote to me.”   
Becca pulled him to a walk around the house, showing him the life she built. And asking a lot of questions too. “What he did, still does for you, he’s more than a friend isn’t he?” Bucky swallowed. “Did he told you so?” She shrugged. “No, he didn’t need to, Bucko, love is in the acts not the words.” He stopped and she looked at him with a playful smile. “What are you scared of?” Bucky took a moment to think, but he knew very well the reason. “I never said it out loud. No one knows.”   
Becca pinched him again, “He might be Captain America, but he can’t read minds, so say something!” He groaned and swat her hand softly. “Mind your own business!” She laughed and rest her head on his arm. “Allow yourself just this Bucky, just this little happiness to enter your life. It’s been too long since you’ve truly had any.”  
He looked at his little sister and all the time they lost dawned on him. “I missed you. Not being a part of your life, not being there for you. . .I will never get over it.” Becca elbowed him playfully in the ribs. “Don’t talk as if I’m already gone, I’m not that old. We’ve got plenty of time left, James.” He smiled at her and they went on in the house, while Mr. Spector, Becca’s husband waited in the living with Sam.

Bucky didn’t knew what he expected, but when Sam left for a mission, he felt like something was missing. And it hurt him. On top of that, he couldn’t help but think it was a lie, a cover-up so Sam could meet his boyfriend. Because he just knew Sam had someone. He wasn’t stupid.   
Sam kept smiling at his phone and when Bucky managed to look who was the reason of that smile, he just found “My best boy” with hearts emoji. This ridiculously affectionate nickname stung him. Sam had someone. And It wasn’t him. Bucky wanted to be him.   
So maybe Sam was risking his life by himself, maybe he was in another man’s arms, and in this moment, Bucky hated both options. He pulled his knees to his chest as he looked at the rainy sky. Bad flying conditions. So it was the other man.   
No, Bucky had no right to claim Sam’s lover was the “other man”. He was Sam’s only man. Maybe he should’ve said something. But it was too late. It wasn’t the first time, he had been to late with Steve too. Now he had to watch his crush loving someone else all over again.   
His throat felt tight and his eyes heated with tears. He didn’t wanted Sam to be with someone else, but he couldn’t say he wanted to be that someone. Rebecca had been wrong, after all. Bucky sighed and he felt embarrassed looking at pictures of Sam on his phone. He missed him a lot already. He wanted to be with him, right now. He wouldn’t know what to say or do, but Sam would.   
Because he always did right? No, He might be Captain America, but he can’t read minds, so say something! Sam wouldn’t know it. But Sam had someone else. Oh no, was. . .was Bucky an obstacle in Sam’s life? He must be, for Sam to leave and meet his lover. All he wanted, was for Sam to be alright, to have a nice little life with someone he loved. He had no right to take this away from him just by weighting on Sam’s shoulders.   
He had not a lot of money and nowhere to go, but Bucky left. Because he was taking the place of someone else, someone better who Sam loved very much. 

He didn’t knew what he was allowed to take, so he took only what was necessary. But looking at the house, he fell his heart shatter. For months it had been his home, their home. Bucky hated himself, he was crying. He was crying because he never felt more like he belonged somewhere, and he just realised he didn’t. That wasn’t his place.   
Bucky swallowed hard, he fell like a ghost but he had taken too much from Sam. He had to give him his freedom back. He filled Red’s food and kissed its little head goodbye. The falcon let out a low cry and Bucky pet him a bit. “I’ll miss you too,kid.”  
When he closed the door he felt confused as to what to do with the keys, he decided to leave them in the mailbox. That was done. No going back now. 

Sam hissed as he felt tiny claws dig in his skin, “No, no! Alpine! Let go!”. He managed to open the door anyway, he’ll look the mailbox later. Right now he had to present their new kid to Bucky. When he closed the door behind him he opened his jacket and a little white head poke out at once. “Bucky?” No answer. Sam frowned and took Alpine out of his jacket, she climbed on his shoulders. “James?” Maybe he had to work. But he was sure. . .   
Then Sam felt dread take him, he looked into Bucky’s room and found his few belongings gone. He reached for the kitten and she meowed softly.  
“Your dad left.”


	6. Pause

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angsty but make it Sam
> 
> nine years = 2023 (as its post endgame)

Sam got into his car and went to the library, maybe it was a misunderstanding. But the nice lady said Bucky had worked this morning and showed no sign of discomfort. Sam hated himself, he should have noticed something made Bucky uneasy. He should have insisted to talk with him.  
He stopped by Natasha and Steve’s place, but the idea of Steve knowing how he messed up…No, thank you. He was on his own. So was Bucky. He needed to find him, because the prospect of going back to an empty house. . .Again. No, Sam could not allow it, not when Bucky was alive and alright, because he was right?   
Sam felt tensed, it was starting to be late and Bucky had nowhere to go. Wait. No, he had somewhere, someone. “Becca.”  
His throat was tight, he was stupid. He should have known better after what happened with Riley. He was doing it again, watching Bucky from afar and doing nothing. Sam drove to Becca’s house, and indeed, he saw Bucky and her by the window.   
Bucky was safe. He had someone there for him. Maybe he just needed his freedom, maybe without noticing Sam had caged him again. So he went home. Except it didn’t felt quite like home. It was quiet, Red was picking at his feathers and Alpine slept on the couch.   
Little Alpine, Sam had got her just for Bucky. He didn’t quite knew what to do now. Usually, in the evening they watched TV shows together and had dinner together and wished each other good night. But tonight Sam was alone. He didn’t wanted to watch dumb shows, he didn’t felt like eating either, and he surely didn’t find sleep.   
When dawn came, Sam was not done overthinking every single detail of his life with Bucky. He had liked helping him, seeing him become independent and tell his stories of work at the libraries. He liked when Bucky told him about space with so much joy and passion his eyes lit up like a million stars. He liked their mutual roasting, and those rare moment they bared their mind to each other.   
But this morning there was no fumbling in the kitchen, just the cry of Alpine demanding food and Red’s answering noises. There was no more Bucky, not that day, not the week that followed.

Sam had to admit, a month later, Bucky might not come back. Alpine had decided to sleep in his bed and that was at least nice. The kitten and his falcon really were important in times like this, as he felt lonelier than ever. Somehow, knowing Bucky could come back and chose not to hurt as bad as Riley never coming back.   
He thought he’d see him for missions, but somehow, he was always teamed up with someone else. Soon enough, Sam told Steve to take back the shield for a while. Nothing felt right anymore. What did he expect? Nine years of knowing Bucky, of having him by his side. He missed him, terribly.   
If the dreams he had used to be pleasant, he now saw Bucky walking out the front door without turning back. It shouldn’t, but it gnawed at him. He called to him, he begged, he cried but Bucky never turned to him.   
Sam had enough of being miserable, but what could he do? When Sarah called he acted as if Bucky was unavailable. But when Gideon did, Sam broke down. His little brother never showed clearly he was worried, though this time he did.  
“Sammy, I know he’s not there. I don’t know where he is, but clearly he left home.” The pararescue rolled his eyes. “And what if he’s not?” But his brother didn’t took that as an answer. “You’ve been like this only once in your life Sam, this quiet, this distant. . .And I’m worried about you…And about him.”  
He shook his head, not caring that his brother could not see it. “He’s not…He’s alright, okay? With people who give him what he needs.” On his side, Gideon frowned. “As opposed to you?” Sam tried not to sound too hurt when he answered. “If I was enough…If I was what he needed…He’ll be home with me.”   
Gideon Wilson had taken after their mother, Darlene, and he was stubborn as a rock. “Sam. You’re focusing on what you think happened, but you don’t know the truth. You didn’t talked to him.” Sam really broke down when Gideon told him that, as if he had not called Bucky a trillion times, hopping to hear the other man’s voice. “Gotta go, bye Gid, love ya.”  
No, Gideon Wilson would not let go, as he turned around and looked at a despaired Bucky Barnes. “He hanged up before I could tell him you were there. Do you want to try again, talk to him first this time?” The man shook his head. “I didn’t wanted to bother you, Gideon, really.” The other man chuckled. “You’re fit for each other, you’re both quite dramatic.” Bucky smiled sadly at that. “So, he doesn’t have anyone?”  
This time Jody answered, the teenage boy seemed embarrassed. “No, Best Boy, that’s my nickname. I insisted he wrote it because. . .it helps me.” The kid had recently came out as trans, and when Bucky explained what happened between him and Sam, he had told Bucky he was the Best Boy.   
The man agreed, Jody was brave. He had not understood what trans was at first, but Jody had been precise in answering Bucky’s interrogation under an overprotective glare from Gideon.   
“You’re the bravest guy I’ve ever met, Jody. I could use some of that bravery.” Gideon laughed. “You and Sam both, James. But try to talk to him.” He nodded and waved at them as he made his way to leave.  
“Oh and James?! Do I send the phone cable we ordered to your sister? Or do you think you’ll be home by the time it arrives?”  
Bucky shrugged. “Home.”


	7. New beginning

Sam heard a knock on his door but he didn’t moved, just, not yet. He took in the cold evening air on his skin and the warm presence of Alpine on his lap. He let out a sigh and went to the door, the kitten leaping from her spot. He opened the lock and pulled the door.   
Bucky. Bucky was there, he was there and he had his bag and a box in his arms. “Hey.” He slowly put down his belongings and before he could explain, Sam took them and made sign for him to follow inside.   
“Sam, I’m sorry. . .I should’ve left a word.” But the other man just raised a hand for him to stop talking. Bucky felt stupid, of course he would be mad that he left. Bucky had felt dumb enough discovering there never was a boyfriend to be jealous of.   
The younger man went outside and Bucky didn’t knew what he should do of this, was Sam done talking to him? Why get him inside then? But Sam came back with a white thing, white fur, in a small ball. A kitten.  
“Her name is Alpine.” Bucky close his eyes and smiled. Oh, to be hearing Sam’s voice. “She’s yours. Well, I wanted her to be yours, but apparently, she took a liking to me, so we’ll share.” Bucky nodded and opened his eyes, taking in his hands the kitten which purred contently.   
“Sam. . .I. . .I need to talk to you.” So Sam listened. He stood still and looked into Bucky’s eyes. And in this stare, Bucky saw nothing but encouragement. “I love women. . .” Sam nodded. “Yeah, I know.” The other man clicked his tongue. “Wait, it’s. . .i’m not done.” The younger tilted his head but waited. He could do this, he could tell Sam. “But it’s. . . It’s not. . .”  
Sam waited. So Bucky confessed. “. . .not only. . . I . . .Sam, I . . .” The other man put a hand on his cheek. “It’s okay, take your time.” Bucky let out a breath and he focused on the purring ball in his hands. “I like men too.” He stared back and Sam smiled brightly at him. “I’m gay.”  
Bucky chuckled. “I know.” Sam shook his head. “You don’t know everything no.” Curious, Bucky frowned. “No?” He let Alpine leap to the floor and go back to her beloved spot on the couch. Sam stepped closer and Bucky’s breath stopped. “No, because. . .I don’t like just men, mr. Barnes.” Closer. Closer. Both Sam’s head on Bucky’s cheeks. “I like you.”   
He had no idea who kissed the other first, but it was heaven. He pulled Sam to him shyly and was surprised with a greedy kiss and bitten lips. So he stopped thinking.   
There was nothing but him and Sam. That’s all he needed. A satisfied feeling bursted through him and filled the hole jealousy had dug in his heart. Sam liked him. Sam, his friend, his partner on the field, liked him back. He opened his eyes and met Sam’s gleaming eyes. He didn’t knew that, because Bucky had not said. “Sam. . .” but he couldn’t say those words yet. “I do too.”  
He couldn’t say more yet. But that was okay, because Sam was in his arms and they were kissing. They were kissing. Oh god, Bucky was kissing a man. That was fucking fantastic. Maybe because it was Sam. He need not know, he loved it. “James, don’t. . .it’s okay.” Bucky didn’t knew what Sam meant before the other man dried a tear on his cheek. “It’s okay. You’re home now.”   
Bucky pressed his lips to Sam again, now he had tasted the full lips he never wanted to stop kissing them. “Sam…” Pressed to each other as they were, Sam knew very well what Bucky wanted to brought attention to. But he slowly stepped back.   
“I. . .I refuse to rush this.” He kissed Bucky again. “I need to know that’s something you’ve thought about and you’re not going to regret it.” Bucky burst out laughing and leaned so far back, he nearly made both of them fall. “Ooh, Sam.” He kissed him slowly and Sam was surprised to feel tongue meet tongue. This kiss was messier, more pressed. He loved it, every second. Bucky took of his jacket and whispered to Sam “ I’ve done nothing but think about it.”  
Sam groaned and kissed him again but pushed him back slowly. Bucky stared, startled. “Unless you don’t. . .” Sam shook his head. “Of course, I want to, but . . .It’s too fast. James, I want you, but not like this, not when we’re too overwhelmed to know what we’re doing.”   
Bucky nodded and stood back, panting. Sam pulled him to him and shivered when the strong arms closed around him. He felt good like this, enclosed in the arms of the man he . . .liked. Outside, the sun was setting and Sam saw that last ray of sunshine disappear. IT might be dumb, but he took it as a sign.   
Riley had been the sun in his life, maybe what he needed now was the moon and all the stars that shone in James’ eyes.   
“I got an idea. Better than sex.” Bucky choked at the words he suggested but had not dared to speak. “Yeah?” Sam, nodded and took his hand. “What if we slept outside? And you told me all you know about theses stars you love so dearly.”  
Bucky’s face lit up and he smiled from ear to ear, Sam felt proud at the soft blush on his cheeks. “Really?” Sam nodded. “We’ll take a few covers and our pillows. . .” Bucky stepped closer and bit his lip but didn’t move.   
Sam understood and pulled him into a quick kiss. “Sam…” The younger man held his hand to his lips and kissed it. “James?”   
“I don’t love those stars as much as. . .” He could not say it. He was rushing this. Whatever that was that just bloomed between them. . . But Sam seemed touched and kissed his cheek. “James, it’s okay. Don’t overthink it, don’t rush, we don’t even need words. At least all I need right now, is in my hand.” And to demonstrate his claim he raised their joined hands.   
They got the covers, the flashlight and Sam got them ski socks. Bucky chuckled but Sam clicked his tongue. “You won’t laugh when you wake up at midnight with frozen toes.” Bucky laid on Sam’s chest and enjoyed the forehead kisses and the hand in his hair. “So tell me everything…”


	8. Another new start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heavy smut, very NSFW if you don't want to read it, i praise you'll wait for next chapter. Love y'all XO - Mahz

Sam woke up to the feel of soft lips pressing down the column of his throat. How he had missed this, waking up by someone’s attention. He turned on the covers and Bucky was there, his hair pointing out in every direction. Sam smiled back at him and brushed the hair down slowly, as if to carve the moment in his mind.   
“Hello there.” Bucky kept smiling as he tucked himself in Sam’s embrace again. “Hi, Sam.” The younger man pulled the soldier closer to him, the sky was still dark, and the last stars shone bright still. It was indeed colder than it was when they laid down, and Bucky had been glad for the awful socks. “So, James. . .” Grey eyes met his. “No regrets?”   
Bucky looked at him and Sam felt his cheeks heat under the loving gaze. “One, I spoke way too much, and we could have been smooching instead.” Sam barked out a laugh. “Smooching?” The brunette grumbled and pinch his stomach. “You get what I mean.”  
Sam did, but Bucky was just too cute. “Pray tell, how did that happen? The whole you being interested in me thing?” Bucky raised a bit and leaned on his elbows, looking down. “I don’t know. I didn’t thought about it. I just. . .wanted you.”  
Something cold pooled in Sam’s stomach. “Is this about wanting or about feelings?” Bucky sat up and frowned, he seemed worried. “Sam, it’s not like that. . .I’m not a player like Steve told you I was. It’s all lies I made up because I was sixteen and needed to prove I was . . .clearly what I’m not today.” Sam sat too and held Bucky’s hand. Feeling a bit reassured that his feelings were not unrequited, or so he thought. “It’s okay. We have time.”  
Bucky felt a hand on his waist, and he needed to be closer to Sam. Because that single touch made his blood rush in his veins. Sam pulled Bucky closer and his breathing stopped. “What you want, when you want it, if you want it.” He swallowed and rolled on his side as to lay on top of Sam. “I do and I want it now. . .But. . .I don’t know what it means.”   
Sam kissed his cheek. “It doesn’t have to mean anything.” Bucky shook his head. “Not what I meant, Sam. . .I have close to no idea on how two men have sex.” Sam nodded as he took in the information. “Just, do whatever you feel like, tell me what you don’t want, what you do want.”   
Bucky shrugged with heated cheeks. “I just don’t know. . . Tell me how, please.” So Sam did, he spread his legs so that Bucky’s thigh got in between them. He let out a breath and Sam smiled at the sound. “Are you sure you have not a single idea?” He traced Bucky’s throat with his tongue and when he got close to his ear Sam whispered “Are you sur you don’t know what you want me to do with my mouth?”   
The brunette tensed and felt a shiver run down his spine, of course he knew. “Don’t…Don’t make me ask, please.” Sam chuckled at that and put both his hands on the small of Bucky’s back. “We’re gonna take it slow.” And he softly put pressure on Bucky’s hips, making him feel the state Sam was in, that they both were in. He sighed at the hard member tucked in Bucky’s jeans and digging against his own hip. “Someone’s feeling fine.” Bucky hid in Sam’s neck. “Oh god.” It was too beautiful not to seize that chance “You can call me Sam.” But Bucky whimpered and dig his finger into Sam’s shoulder as he tentatively rolled his hips against Sam’s hip. “Oohoho, nice. That’s right baby, slow.”   
Bucky sat on Sam’s lap and his eyes were shut tightly, his cheeks glowing red. “Can. . . can I take your pants off?” Sam stood there, mouth gaping as he threw his head back. “Fuck yeah, take them off baby.” Bucky’s hands were shaking as they closed on Sam’s fly, but he leaned down and kissed him as if to focus on nothing but him.   
Indeed, Bucky needed that to gain the confidence of pushing down those jeans and he groaned as his hands ran on huge muscular thighs. Sam rocked back in that touch, enjoying the difference of each hands’ feel. Hot and cold, soft, and hard. “Can you, do something? I feel anxious right now.” Sam kissed Bucky softly “Sorry, I’m just mesmerized by you.” He then proceeded to pull down Bucky’s pants too and groped the muscular ass under his hands. Bucky whimpered once more and Sam decided he wanted to own every single one of those sounds.  
Bucky shyly let metal cold finger pull on the elastic of Sam’s brief as his other hand met flesh. Bucky had never touched another man, or anyone else like that, but the feel of Sam in his hand carved in his memory to stay. “Oh fuck, I really love dicks.” Sam burst out laughing at that. “Yeah? Good news. You’re not running away?” Bucky shook his head. “No way.”  
Next thing he knew Bucky’s mouth was closing on Sam’s tensed member. Sam threw his head back on the soft pillows and when his head tugged on Bucky’s hair he regretted its length a second. “You’re killing me.” Bucky felt his eyes heat so much with need it burned. He was tasting Sam, he moaned around the weight on his tongue. He let one of his hand rub softly on Sam’s lower parts as the other one reached for him. And Sam held it.   
“Bucky. . .If you want, I wish you to take me.” Bucky groaned and crawled up on Sam’s body. The other man pulled him closer and tongue met tongue. Bucky blushed at the feeling of it, the heat of Sam’s skin, the hard muscles of his stomach Bucky could feel beneath both their shirt.  
“I want, Sam, I want you, but you have to show me.” Sam shivered at the confession. He brought Bucky’s hand to his lips and looking into his eyes he took them in his mouth and sucked on them slowly. Bucky had no idea why, but the feel of Sam’s warm tongue sucking on his finger made him even more turned on. “What is that supposed to do?” Sam chuckled and pulled Bucky’s hand between his thighs. “You’re gonna finger me open so that you can penetrate me with your cock. Need further instructions or?”   
Bucky turned bright red at once. “I. . .I’m gonna what? Is it how it works?” Sam pulled Bucky closer and both their erections met. “We don’t have to, we could just grind against each other if you don’t want penetration. Heck, you could even fuck my thighs if you’re more comfortable.” By the look of it, Bucky wasn’t comfortable at all.   
“Bucky? Did…Did I broke you?” He sat up, and Bucky embraced him, hiding in his neck. “Okay. . .We’ll take it slower.” Bucky shook his head and Sam raise a brow. “No?” Bucky kissed Sam’s neck and pushed him down, cheeks still flushed. “I just had no idea there was so many possibilities, I just know I want to make you feel good. I wanna make love to you.” Sam smiled dangerously. “Good, cause I want you inside of me.” Bucky kissed him. “I. . .I will do it too next time.” Sam brushed Bucky’s waist, feeling muscles and scars but loving it all. “You don’t have to, but I would love that.”  
Bucky pulled Sam’s thighs over his own, raising his hips. “So doll, what do I do from here?” Sam rolled his hips slightly. “Push your fingers inside of me.” Bucky took a deep breath and did so, one finger first. Then when Sam approved, he added another. Sam groaned and slowly rolled back, disintegrating Bucky’s mind with the little movements of his hips.   
“That thing you just did. . .i like. A lot.” Sam chuckled. “Then you’re gonna love what follows, because I’m ready.” Bucky dived to catch Sam’s lips between his teeth and Sam dug his nails in the strong muscles of his back. “Slow down boy, take them off before you go further.” Bucky flushed. “S…Sorry.” He let Sam lead him through the steps, and finally he felt Sam’s heat surround him. “Oh shit, that feels amazing, Buck.”   
Sam heard no response and when he looked at his man, Bucky’s mouth was open and he was panting, eyes shut as he took in every sensation he felt. Sam felt whole again, he forced his eyes to stay on Bucky, too scared to see another face.   
“Now? Do I move?” Sam chuckled “Fuck yeah you do.” Bucky curled up on Sam and kissed him hungrily as he tentatively started thrusting. Sam moans marked Bucky’s mind like white iron. “Harder, you’re doing amazing baby.” Bucky whimpered at the words and executed himself, burying himself inside of Sam. It felt like heaven, like a warm velvet glove pulling him within.  
Bucky got drunk on the sound of skin on skin, and the taste of Sam’s tongue, the moans he had no idea who made, didn’t cared anymore. He loved the hard chest rubbing against his, and the wet feeling of Sam’s member between them. He cried as Sam pushed back against him, he wanted more. He grabbed Sam’s waist and pulled him closer, deeper. He felt a warm wave rush through him and cried as he felt his release. Sam cursed and shouted out his name as a warm feeling spread between them.   
Bucky collapsed on Sam’s chest and let the other man shower him in forehead kisses and hug him tightly. His mind blanked out a minute and he felt sleepy in the warmth of their lovemaking. “Rest a bit, baby.”


End file.
